Sunday morning schizoposting
This post is going to be somewhat different from my usual stuff.
Around a week ago or so, I read a Telegram post by a pagan rw esoteric channel (Elders of the Black Sun), talking about the astral significance of horror movie tropes.
When you begin to watch horror movies, as not occurring on the physical - but on the astral - they become infinitely more terrifying.
The post was accompanied by the following image:
They continue with the following passage:
Have you ever been attacked in the night?
Have you been paralyzed, unable to move - as a heavy presence descended on your chest.
Have you tried to scream out in terror, as this malignant - something ... you know it was something - looked upon you with threatening eyes?
She’s called an Old Hag, and she’s been experienced by every single civilization in history.
Ask around, if you haven’t experienced an Old Hag attack ... someone you know has. They’ve just rationalized it away.
The Old Hag is one of the names for the sleep paralysis entity, a supposed hallucination that appears to certain people during their bouts of sleep paralysis. For those unaware, sleep paralysis is the phenomenon where someone becomes fully conscious while their body is still asleep. They usually perceive their body as it’s situated in the bed and the surrounding room, but are unable to move. This state is at time accompanied by “hallucinations” of varies modalities - like hearing sounds, seeing entities or bodily sensations such as strained breathing. The “sleep paralysis entity” is most commonly perceived as a being sitting on one’s chest, which strains the person’s breathing. This state of paralysis usually lasts for tens of seconds, but it’s an extremely jarring experience.
I used to have regular bouts of sleep paralysis (about once a month or so) throughout my adolescence. Most often I would wake up, or think I’d woken up, only to find my vision blurred - but I could nonetheless perceive my surroundings and know that I was in my bed, my body immobile and my breathing strained. Whether this perception of the room was genuine vision or just an imprint of how I thought my room was supposed to look like, I’m not sure. The longer this state went on, the more my breathing was strained and the more I started to fear that I would simply become unable to breathe. I always fought this state - I tried moving my muscles, but it was impossible. Some small muscles would move, but the movements were sluggish and my paralysis would persist. Eventually I would jolt awake. Often my eyes were so tired that I knew I’d fall back asleep if I let myself close them. That was unacceptable, as falling asleep shortly after sleep paralysis often resulted in renewed sleep paralysis, so I’d fight my heavy eyelids with all my willpower to keep them from closing. I did see malevolent entities at times, but my most common sensation was the heavyness of breath. This condition persisted until a year or so into my relationship with my now girlfriend, when we started sleeping in the same bed on a regular basis. I found that she would often get woken up by my labored breathing in this state and would wake me up, therefore prematurely freeing me from this experience. In time, I grew less afraid of this phenomenon and it also became less frequent. I still experience it from time to time, but it’s less common and less viscerally terrifying when it does happen - even when I’m sleeping alone.
Fast forward to last night. I had a falling out with my girlfriend, which resulted in her deciding to sleep on the couch. What followed was an extremely interesting and vivid series of dreams that included a bout of sleep paralysis, in which I was assaulted by this “Old Hag”. It was so vivid that I decided to write it all down at 5:30 in the morning so I could post about it and share my thoughts on this whole phenomenon.
The first scene from my dream involved me eating something with some friends, when two girls came up to me us and started complaining about how they are poor and can’t afford to eat [presumably with the intention of getting us to pay for them or something]. I replied by expressing empathy and condolences and said something along the lines of “everyone should be able to feed themselves”, but gave no indication of being willing to help. At this they scoffed? and left. I was left with the impression of failing a shit test for some reason, mentioned that to my friend who agreed and said that by uttering that maxim I let them break my frame.
I don’t fully understand this part and it’s blurry in my memory, but I ended up reasoning that perhaps this feeling of having my frame broken is what made me vulnerable to the subsequent attack by the Hag.
In the next part of the dream that I remember, I was jumping large distances, from ledge to ledge in a massive building akin to a mall. I think I was looking for something, but I can’t remember what it was. Additionally, there was an awareness in the back of my mind that I was also trying to avoid something or someone, some entity. I kept jumping from ledge to ledge, but the jumps became shorter and shorter. At some point I then saw a woman appear on the floor, above which I was jumping from ledge to ledge, she was accompanied by some animal. I failed my next jump, she noticed me and I was paralyzed. I was then transported into my bed where I was immobile and this woman morphed into something with a monstrous mouth. I can’t really describe what she looked like because the memory is blurry, but I remember that she was assaulting my genital area, as if she was trying to “eat” it or something similar. I was somehow able to move my arms and started pushing her (it?) away. I then said something along the lines of “fuck you, you won’t get me” and started trying to crush her head which resulted in her first trying to swallow my arm but then she backed away, looked me in the eyes and then I woke up. The entity quickly dissipated from my vision.
After waking up here I was somewhat shaken, but I felt like I had successfully driven the thing off, so there was some satisfaction mixed there too. I soon fell back asleep and dreamt again.
I dreamt that I was observing some sort of scientist that was reading my substack. This same scientist had also read the substack of a person who was proposing some sort of free energy system, saying that he could power a machine with 1 unit of whatever physical quantity is appropriate, instead of some power source that wasted so much power that it basically produced only one unit anyway. And there was some schematic drawn for it and this scientist was trying it out. Then his wife came into the room and they started talking. Out of nowhere the scientist mentioned the Hag and told his wife to sic it on me. I then somehow moved into another room in the house, where the wife was being embraced by some other man - I got the sense that she was cheating. The scientist came into the room and they quickly disentangled. At that point the scientist’s son appeared from somewhere, he was a young child and it seemed like he could perceive me. I started pleading with him to tell his parents not to sic the Hag on me, because I “Don’t want to fight her”. As soon as I uttered that phrase the room around me changed. The child was gone and I found myself in something that looked like my living room, with a man laying on the couch - either asleep or watching TV. I got the impression that I wasn’t given a choice. This place was infested by the Hag and I would have to fight her. I went to the bedroom and found a woman laying on it, cradling and caressing a baby. I thought it was the baby’s mother, but then I was struck with the insight that this woman was a “government official”, from which I reasoned that it was actually the Hag. The scene before me changed, I could see that it was actually the Hag and it was trying to devour the baby’s head. I intervened, trying to pull her off the baby, but my movements were strangely lethargic. I couldn’t put proper force into it, could only use my arm. I woke up in the middle of trying to crush the Hag’s head.
I woke up in a very contemplative mood. Some of it has left me since, because the experience doesn’t feel as real, as it did in the middle of the night, anymore. But I reasoned that this Hag, the sleep paralysis entity is a malevolent female entity that preys on men and boys that don’t have or have temporarily lost the protective quality of a woman’s attachment to them. Boys without their mother (the baby’s mother was nowhere in sight), men who broke up or had a falling out with their lover. The Hag is a jealous and envious entity that can’t experience the love of a man, therefore it traps (paralyzes) men and boys and tries to imitate their lover (assaulting my genitals) or mother (assaulting the baby’s head), but the process is destructive and horrifying because it does so out of envy and hate, not out of love. This reminds me of Jung’s devouring mother archetype - the mother who loves her children selfishly not selfessly. If male tiranny is “You will do as I say, regardless of whether you like it or not.”, female tiranny is “You will do as I say and you will like it.”.
I know this sounds schizo as fuck, but it felt extremely real at the time and I still believe this was not just a dream. The fear and disgust I felt were very real, as was the conviction to try saving the baby which I’m not sure I was successful at doing. I truly think there is something more to this than just delirious dreams.
My intuitive insight was that a woman’s love towards a man is what keeps him safe from such assaults while in a dreamstate. But the question is - is it possible for a “single” man to ward himself off from this? What are the best ways to combat these entities when you get visited by them in your dreams?
I don’t think I have the proper ideological antibodies for this kind of thing. Jim said, in a comment under one of his posts, that the way Christianity wards its followers against demons and similar entities is by insisting that they do not exist and they have no power of you, but if you by some chance end up encountering them, Christ is King and His Power is supreme over them, therefore invoke His protection and you will be alright. I know these things are real, but I do not believe they have power over me. I hope my conviction is strong enough to protect me.